Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
