Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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