I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
