U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
