i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
