can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
