6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
