I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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