Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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