I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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