In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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