go do what you do best...puke behind churches
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
