She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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