The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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