I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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