Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
