At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
