somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
