Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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