At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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