I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
