I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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