i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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