Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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