I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
