my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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