Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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