yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
