I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
