the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
