I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
