Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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