He kissed a someone with a penis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
