she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
