I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
