I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mouth tastes like poor choices
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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