someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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