I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
