the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
