In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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