It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
