I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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