Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
