Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
