she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
