How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
