Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
