She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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