I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
