did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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