people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
