first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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