i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
