she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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