I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
