My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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