I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
