Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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