they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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