Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
