...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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