I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
