i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
