I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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