I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sext me about skeletons
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
