we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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