You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
