All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
