First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
