clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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