today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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